My President

When My President was elected, I smiled. First black president. Well, who are we kidding, half black, right? But this was good, wasn’t it? Like the President on the boring network drama before him! He was black! And a woman was the runner-up to the democratic nominee! Progress, right? I was a good white boy! In favor of these things!

In truth though, I didn’t know anything about My President when he was elected. And when he told his daughters that they were in fact getting a puppy when they moved into the white house, I think that’s when I began to like him.

When we got Osama Bin Laden, I couldn’t help but wonder how much My President had to do with that.

Did I fall off my bicycle because My President was re-elected? I’m not supposed to care about politics! I’m a writer. But I got off the subway and went about unlocking my bike and just as I put my foot on the pedal I heard a small group cheer. It was over. And it was true, I loved My President, another politician, in another boring suit, with another stupid flag pin on his lapel. Don’t tell anyone!

Some people even said things about My President like “He certainly hasn’t done anything for race relations.” Some people are really that stupid and spiteful.

I used to judge Presidents on how well they could speak. Nobody better than Clinton, right?

I don’t attempt to judge My President when he speaks though, because he is my intellectual and moral superior, so when he opens up, I just try to listen.

When a comedian called My President “my nigga” My President hugged him without flinching because My President is a boss, and My President earned that moment.

Why is it that only now, when they show the burning effigies of My President upon his election, that I cringe? Why didn’t that hurt then?

I’ve been avoiding My President’s final speeches and emails because they will make me sad. But I saw that picture of him looking at that school kid through a magnifying glass and I cried. And you can make fun of me for crying, but what do you cry about?

My President cried when he talked about gun violence in Chicago. Well, after all, he is black, and he started his family in Chicago.

-You know what Jimmy, I want to hang out with some kids at school today.
-But Mr. President, we’ve got a STACKED schedule. I mean of ALL days. There’s this bullcrap to deal with and that garbage. This sonofabitch is on the phone and that sonofabitch wants to talk to you ASAP.
-Jimmy, they didn’t just threaten me, they went after Michelle, and the girls. I’m gonna hang out with some kids today, okay? I think we can squeeze it in.

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