A Christmas Book Review: High Fidelity

We used to have to call and tell each other things. We’d rely on each other to find new music or movies. You called me when I was a freshman in college and you told me to get a pen and write down Dashboard Confessional. (The kids these days, they were never innocent.) I looked him up. And you know what, I still like the guy a bit and you hate him. Is that why you’re a music elitist now, with the whole John Cusack from High Fidelity thing going on? I told you to read the book. Read the book. The movie’s alright, everyone loves Mr. Say Anything, but the book the book THE BOOK, man! It’s in London, not Chicago. It was pop culture seen through a British lens. Why change it? Americans can handle British accents. How about Mary Poppins? Bedknobs And Broomsticks? I mean, c’mon, we watched those in elementary school!

Ahh man.

High Fidelity. One of the first books at the beginning of my journey, within months of coming home from my mission. Elder Smallpants recommended it. But as the Universe would have it, Youth In Revolt would be the lone apostate book I’d read on my mission. Nick Hornby was a British author who said American movies were his favorite. High Fidelity was about all his girlfriends. Sleep-overs and underwear and dating. Relationships. I didn’t know anything about any of that stuff. LIVING with a woman??? Holy cow. My mom always said she pitied the one who would bear the burden of sleeping next to my gargling, jerking, snorting body.

Perhaps smarm “sort of” sent Nick Hornby back to England. And admittedly, About A Boy was good, but evidenced a waning of edge, at least compared to Hornby’s first novel- there’s something classic about it. Wedged perfectly between pre and post-internet. The time, and the man. The modern boy-man, emotionally confused, at least when compared to his female counter-part. That’s why they say artists do their thing- because they’re confused about something.

Anyway, it’s okay. I was always Loyd Dobler to your Cusack in High Fidelity. What’s his name?

The Porsche 356 is a gorgeous car.
The Porsche 356 is a gorgeous car.

 

 

Oblivious Review (vol 3)

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That last guy, Stephen, was fired. He was no good. I gave him the review job and he did terribly. What he did was disgusting. The Swimsuit thing. It was pornographic. He’s outta here. Out of destructooblivion. I won’t remove his abomination so that it remains as a reminder to what happens when one exercises poor judgement and allows just any sonofabitch to write for your blog.

Disgraceful. The whole thing. I mean, plus the guy tried to mimic my (Editor In Cheif/Supreme Dictator For Life, Aaron L.) writing style. Lame. Not tight.

We’re gonna try a new writer today, his name is Ricardo Griffen. Take it away Recardo.

Thanks boss, alright, politics:

Not too much has changed. Teddy Cruz is still a Luz. Er. (looz-er.) He and Trump are Ones on a scale of One-to-Bernie. Governor Kasich and Hilary Clinton are now tied, landing at Five on the Bernie scale. And lastly, believe it or not Bernie still registers a Bernie on the scale of One-to-Bernie.

Destructo Oblivion thinks that Kasich and Hilary Clinton are essentially the new right and Bernie is the left, with folks like Trump and Cruz just hanging on to their old doggy ways for dear life. Like old dogs. Like stupid, dead, stubborn, dirty, ratty, annoying, yelping, ugly, screeching, racist, ranting, mangy, grating, diseased, xenophobic, blabbering, disgusting, dogs. History is trying to yank their ideals from them so that the modern world can spin free of their burden, but still they cling. Desperate, pathetic, hollow souls. No original thought in front or behind them. Very sad.

You heard Teddy Cruz speak though? Beautiful, isn’t it. Just kidding, he sounds like a sick penguin. Like a toy penguin with a button that you push and out comes a line from the Tea Party or a right-wing talk-show guy. Really original. Really cutting edge. Really cool stuff coming from Teddy “No Ballgame.”

On to Cinema.

Kicking And Screaming (1995) (Not the 2005 Will Ferrell film but the 1995 “indie” film by a fellow named Noah Baumbach.)

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Oblivious Review, vol 2

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  March 28th 2016 Oblivious Review
By Stephen Depper

First off, Politics:

Ted Cruz and Trump argue about their wives. Teddy sounds really frightening. Not. Hilary Clinton’s strategy seems to pretend like Bernie isn’t gaining momentum. Her people are given loaded phrases to tell the press like “How she wins the nomination, not if.” I don’t like it.

To sum up, Rubio is out of the race officially. Teddy “No Ball Game” Cruz maintains his One on a scale of One-To-Bernie. Governor Kasich remains a “High Two.” (He’d be about a five if he didn’t endorse the theoretical Republican Nominee Trump.) Trump himself is a One, obviously. Hilary dropped from Six to Five. Bernie remains a Bernie. He remains a Bernie as he gains momentum. Here is a link to the video of President Bernie and the bird.

Okay.

That’s that. Election stuff is BOOOOOO-RING. We’re really here today to talk about some of the most beautiful women in the world- Sports Illustrated Swimsuit models, of course.

Hailey Clauson

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Hailey made the cover. She’s really good looking.

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